Emotional Seperation from Parents

Becoming a man. It is something that boys are very pre-occupied with these days. In years gone by it was very simple. At about 16 years, you moved out, found yourself a job, met a girl and started a family. There also wasn't the same emotional connection between parents and their children as their are today.

Nowadays it is very confusing for a lot of adolescents and adult men (some into their late 20s and early 30s) how to properly separate from their parents? Not just physically but also emotionally. And some manage to achieve the physical separation but not the emotional separation. And some (lucky ones) achieve the emotional separation without the physical separation.

Why do you think so many people choose to live overseas in their 20s? Why do sooo many Brits choose to live in Australia or America? Why do soo many Kiwis, Aussies and Saffas choose to live in the UK. Why do college students in America move to the opposite side of the country to go to college. To physically separate from their parents.

The problem with society today is that there is no clear marker of adulthood. When is it that you become your own man? Is it when you can legally drink or legally drive? When you have moved out? Or lived in another country? Or is it when you have had your first serious romantic relationship? That is the problem. There are no clear markers to indicate growing up and separating from your parents/ family and being your own man.

The sad fact is, a lot of males fail to do this. Why? They are scared of upsetting their parents and lack the confidence to do things themselves. This is why rebellion (but it isn't really) is a good thing to have in adolescence. For me, my mother was very hard to rebel against. She was one of these hippy type mothers and nothing I did seem to bother her. She was also a very natural type GP (Doctor). To deal with my acne in university I started taking a very strong drug as treatment. We had huge arguments about it. And it was the first time that I seriously disagreed with my mum. Not only did the drug get rid of my acne it helped me to separate from my mum and become my own person.

So how do you go about emotionally separating from your parents and become a man. Well it is different for everyone. Here is a few generic tips

(1) Don't feel the need to solve their problems and don't think that they have to solve yours. This is co-dependency.

(2) As much as possible - pay your own way in the world. You might think that you are saving money but you are giving up much more.

(3) Don't be afraid of disagreeing with your parents. Start on small matters and build up to bigger ticket items.

(4) Remember it is not about them, it is about you. Don't expect them to change.

Becoming a man. It is well worth it.

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www.angermanagementbrisbane.com

Mental Challenge of Skiing

The mental challenge of skiing. I have recently come back from a skiing holiday in New Zealand. Queenstown to be precise. While I was away from my work as a Psychologist for the week one thing that come through quite strongly for me is the mental challenge that skiing presents. It is absolutely critical to be focused on the moment and your technique. I found that I could not become distracted for even one second, otherwise I would fall over and even worse.

The highlight of the week for me by far was a hike and ski that I undertook with 2 buddies. On the afternoon of our second day skiing we decided to hike up to the top of the highest mountain and ski down untouched powdered snow, to finish about 1K from the skiing village. A bus would bring us back. Very few people attempted this run as no chair lift was present to take you to the top. But I remembered looking at it all day and it was almost calling me to do it. It was my Everest. While I expected it to be a physical challenge - which it was - especially the hiking part of it. The hike and ski turned into more of a mental challenge. And through doing it - I gained enormous clarity, especially during the hike part. It was a case of putting one foot in front of the other on the way up the mountain. I couldn't allow myself to look down the mountain because it was too steep or think how far it was to go or how on earth am I going to ski down it or how much energy I had left. The sheer focus I needed was extraordinary - I couldn't afford any errors. I was totally in the moment. I had never witnessed this amount of focus ever in my entire life. We took 4 breaks on the way to the top of the mountain, where we would sit in the snow. The breaks were as important as the hike cos It gave us a chance to mentally switch off as well as physically recover.

At the top we celebrated for a few moments and took a few photos and just as I was about to take a video a huge gust of wind came through and we all ducked for cover. This was the universes way of saying to get out of there and stop mucking around.

The ski down was magical. I was extremely mindful not to make any mistakes in the thick powder snow. But I was also very aware to actually enjoy the experience and not to view it primarily as a task to complete and tick off.

At the bottom of the hill after the run it was pure excitement when I caught up with my 2 buddies. I had barely known them 2 days but that day I felt that I really bonded with them and got to know them a whole lot better, even though very few words were spoken. It was absolute, utter contentment.

And that is the mental challenge of skiing.

www.psychologistbrisbanenorth.com

www.angermanagementbrisbane.com