Becoming a man. It is something that boys are very pre-occupied with these days. In years gone by it was very simple. At about 16 years, you moved out, found yourself a job, met a girl and started a family. There also wasn't the same emotional connection between parents and their children as their are today.
Nowadays it is very confusing for a lot of adolescents and adult men (some into their late 20s and early 30s) how to properly separate from their parents? Not just physically but also emotionally. And some manage to achieve the physical separation but not the emotional separation. And some (lucky ones) achieve the emotional separation without the physical separation.
Why do you think so many people choose to live overseas in their 20s? Why do sooo many Brits choose to live in Australia or America? Why do soo many Kiwis, Aussies and Saffas choose to live in the UK. Why do college students in America move to the opposite side of the country to go to college. To physically separate from their parents.
The problem with society today is that there is no clear marker of adulthood. When is it that you become your own man? Is it when you can legally drink or legally drive? When you have moved out? Or lived in another country? Or is it when you have had your first serious romantic relationship? That is the problem. There are no clear markers to indicate growing up and separating from your parents/ family and being your own man.
The sad fact is, a lot of males fail to do this. Why? They are scared of upsetting their parents and lack the confidence to do things themselves. This is why rebellion (but it isn't really) is a good thing to have in adolescence. For me, my mother was very hard to rebel against. She was one of these hippy type mothers and nothing I did seem to bother her. She was also a very natural type GP (Doctor). To deal with my acne in university I started taking a very strong drug as treatment. We had huge arguments about it. And it was the first time that I seriously disagreed with my mum. Not only did the drug get rid of my acne it helped me to separate from my mum and become my own person.
So how do you go about emotionally separating from your parents and become a man. Well it is different for everyone. Here is a few generic tips
(1) Don't feel the need to solve their problems and don't think that they have to solve yours. This is co-dependency.
(2) As much as possible - pay your own way in the world. You might think that you are saving money but you are giving up much more.
(3) Don't be afraid of disagreeing with your parents. Start on small matters and build up to bigger ticket items.
(4) Remember it is not about them, it is about you. Don't expect them to change.
Becoming a man. It is well worth it.
www.psychologistbrisbanenorth.com
www.angermanagementbrisbane.com
No comments:
Post a Comment